By Billy Joe Homunculus

BAGHDAD, April 4 – Marriott Corporation chief of Middle East operations Brent Trowbridge emerged from his Bradley Fighting Vehicle today to tell embedded business reporters that the hotel, “should be open within a matter of days.”

American and British business executives, eager to get a foothold in the burgeoning Iraqi market, have been waiting desperately for a full-service airport hotel. “I desperately need a base of operations,” said Wal-Mart sales rep Eve Duncan, “I've got to buy 2 million square feet zoned commercial by next Friday, or Target will have us outflanked. Thank God the Marriott's about ready.”

Trowbridge has been directing a mopping-up operation in the former Saddam Airport Hotel using specially-trained laborers flown in from El Salvador. “These people have been through wars before,” he said, “and debris and body parts don’t really bother them—even at minimum wage.”

Meanwhile Seattle-based Starbucks has had a pre-fab airport coffee shop waiting on the tarmac since yesterday. It will be assembled, “as soon as we get the green light from Central Command in Qatar,” said manager Mike Klein.

“It’s all coming together,” noted Third Infantry Colonel Armin “Buster” Stillwagon. “By this time next week, people won’t even remember Saddam Hussein’s name.”

President George W. Bush is grateful for support he received during the Iraq War from British Prime Minister Tony Blair. “We’ve had no closer ally, nor better friend,” said Bush.

As a result, Bush has proposed to rename Blair House—the townhouse across the street from the White House and used as a residence for visiting heads of state—for his British counterpart. “From now on,” said Bush, “I want it to be known as Blair House.”

Bush was reminded of the historical nature of the house, built in 1826, and that a name change could not be taken without the consent of Congress. Bush agreed to a legal name change, but said he “does not want it to take forever.”