By Ezra Tungsten

WASHINGTON, Dec. 16-- Embattled Mississippi Senator Trent Lott took the extraordinary and possibly life-threatening step of undergoing a permanent race change operation. He arrived at Washington Hospital Center yesterday evening after his ineffective appearance on Black Entertainment Television. Said Lott aide Mike Grobart, “He knew he had to do something drastic if he wanted to remain in the Senate.”

Lott emerged today under a do rag, with flashy diamond jewelry and a new name. He is no longer Senator Trent Lott, he said, but told assembled reporters and well-wishers, “Call me King Lottifah!”

Lottifah tried his hand at rhymin’, but someone pointed out that although Cheetah and Velveeta rhymed, it didn’t make any sense. The King seemed stilted and ill-at-ease, but he explained that he was still “kinda high” from the anesthetic he received during the two-hour operation.

When asked his plans, he said he was, “Gonna lead the brothas, know what I mean, to get what’s theirs. That mean heads gonna roll and blood gonna pour.” Asked he planned to shed his own blood, King Lottifah muttered about being “strapped with a Nine, you know.”