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AS BUSH CONFUSES HU WITH WEN |
 President George W. Bush Suddenly Realizes That He’s In Over His Head Again By Wilton Vines
The initial meeting on the White House steps was overheard by Washington Pox White House correspondent Loach Tetra, as follows: Bush – On behalf of the American people, I greet you, Mr. Wen. At that point Bush was saved by an eruption in the press gallery (details below).
HU DELIGHTED |
 
As the price of gasoline climbs ever higher, many Americans are blaming the oil companies and their employees (shown above). Rather than succumb to anger, there are things you can do to ease the crisis. For instance: • If a whole tank costs too much, just fill it halfway. You save 50 percent. • If Midwest ethanol is in short supply, add Karo Syrup to your tank and let it ferment. • If Grandma lives a long way off, stop after a few miles. There’s grandmothers everywhere, and most of them can’t remember their grandkids anyway. • Only go downhill. • Urge the federal government to invade another Middle Eastern oil-producing nation and take over the wells. • Never use a designated driver. They just add needless weight to the car. • Engine technology is improving constantly, so buy a new car every six months or so. • On the freeway, remember to closely follow other speeding cars, using their slipstream to add miles to your gallons. • Fill your tires with helium. Your car will almost float down the road. • It’s stop-and-go driving that burns up the gas, so just ignore red lights. After all, this is a crisis! And have faith: if millions of Americans are smart enough to set up meth labs in their kitchens, sooner or later they’ll figure out a substitute for gas.
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