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It's No Joke |
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 NOT A MORON Troubling Questions Remain, Though  Non-Moron Bush Regales Students With His Version of Creationism By Lisa Velcrowe The Johns Hopkins University team, headed by Nobel laureate Dr. Wilmot Eggery, had been called on to determine the truth after persistent accusations, including one in November by Canadian official Françoise Ducros. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said, “We thought it was time to challenge these wild charges before the American people began to suspect they’re true.” Eggery’s team examined Bush’s entire genome and found more than the usual share of anomalies. “We found no evidence of GWB45, the so-called ‘moron’ gene,” said the geneticist, “but then we found no evidence of any of the “smart’ genes, either. In fact, the entire Bush family is something of a phenomenon: the entire skein of genes that provide intellectual depth are either damaged or missing.” In summation, Eggery said he "doubted" that Bush was "clinically" a moron. The Hitler Question  Nevertheless, other DNA links remain. In September, 2002, German Justice Minister Herta Daeubler-Gmelin compared Bush to Adolph Hitler, noting a striking facial resemblance and certain behavioral similarities. She claimed she had access to German DNA research. So, Dr. Eggery and his team conducted a thorough gene-by-gene comparison between Bush and the former Nazi leader. Here, said Eggery, the evidence was much more ambiguous. "There are so many points of agreement, that we simply cannot be certain that Bush is or is not Hitler," he said. German Doppelganger expert, Dr. Hans Strobt, concluded that the Bush-Hitler question will remain unresolved for some time to come. "If," said Strobt, "Bush continues to mass his armies and march to the east, if he continues to crack down on ethnic minorities and eliminate civil liberties, well, then, we will know. If not, maybe he isn't Hitler after all." |
  Chief Moose Struts At Awards Dinner Sniper Hero |
