Plangent |
 |
Diabolical |
|
“We’re Ready To Die For Lower Taxes,”Sing Para-Youth Members By Mogen Davis, Jr. WASHINGTON, June 13, 2003 – “AmeriCorps is a sissy, girly Clinton kind of thing,” said Congressman Tom DeLay, House Whip (or “Whup” as he prefers to be called). With that, DeLay and eight other House Republicans showed off their new creation, the “Para-Youth Security Corps.” DeLay opened a curtain in the House Caucus Room to reveal six very white children with appropriately serious looks. “This is how government ought to be teaching,” said Delay. “With the right training and moral grounding our youth will advance American interests. I say the future belongs to them, and me, of course.” House Republican Conference Chairman Deborah Pryce (R-OH) explained the thinking behind the Youth Corps. “We’ve spent enough time and money,” she said, “on intractable melanistic youths who just want to get by in life. We want the government to put its weight behind kids like these who have a cause, a purpose, and are willing to die for it.” Then, Christopher Cox (R-CA) introduced the six, all of whom were from “solidly Republican Sunbelt districts.” In unison, the youth told reporters that they wanted to help defend America, “from all enemies, mostly domestic.” Eight year old Billy Basin piped up saying that he wanted “to become a suicide bomber and die for the cause.” When asked what that cause was, Basin said, “Lower taxes.” With that, they belted out a spirited version of The Horst Wessel Song and marched off swinging their arms.
 NO KIDDING 
The above advertisement arrived unbidden among the hundreds of credit card solicitations we at The Pox receive each year. It came from the Capital One bank of Richmond, Virginia. We're already approved, although some churches may believe otherwise. In any case, we think it's appropriate to ask the question, "Where would Jesus bank?" |
THIS PUBLICATION IS IN NO WAY 
It has recently come to our attention that some hackers, spammers or whatever in the Midwest are trying to cash in on our brand equity by naming a disease Monkey Pox, then merchandising “cures,” “treatments,” and “medicines” to deal with it. Certain government officials also appear willing to cash in on this notoriety. They have even started a website, monkeypox.com, where you can buy such things as rubber prairie dogs and lemon-scented monkey repellent.
Well, it’s a fraud. It turns out that the disease, if that’s what it is, has nothing to do with monkeys at all. It comes from rodents. And that very few people actually die from it, although some are scarred for life.
This website may cause emotional turmoil, but it does not cause fevers, shakes or skin eruptions—except in the case of a few very sensitive individuals. Don’t be deceived. This is the real Pox. All others are cheap imitations. Always read only The Washington Pox.
© The Washington Pox 2003
|