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Gay Lobby's "Too Fabulous" Makeover
By Gillian Ng-Aromanoff WASHINGTON, July 23 – Celebrating a recent Supreme Court victory and defying critics on the Christian Right, the gay lobby came out swinging. And how! With a salsa band blasting gay activists unveiled the latest lobby makeover at Casa Versace, their political headquarters in chi-chi Dupont Circle. “Falwell not only said the lobby was a threat to morality,” said house chair Cletis Robespierre, “but he went on Fox News complaining that the ‘pleated overlay on the drapes was so 90s.’ Then Robertson spent a whole hour on CBN saying that the rag rolled paint was ‘cheesy and so Martha Stewart.’ What really hurt was, they were right. But guys, look at this!” The new lobby is a stunner: earth-toned but sharp-edged, warm but glam. “It just shrieks moderne, doesn’t it,” asked gay hanger-on Alicia Bexel of Houston. “I’m glad I came for this.” The Washington corps of critics were mostly congratulatory, but one, who begged anonymity, said, “Looks like Vegas…Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Even Jerry Falwell himself came to look, accompanied by “close friend” Reverend James Dobson of Focus on the Family, and the gays’ arch-nemesis was as close to mellow as anyone could remember. “I’ve got nothing against homosexuals per se,” he said, “but when they start foisting an agenda of retro, bad taste decorating on decent Americans, it’s time to take a stand. “And I’m glad I did. This makeover’s a honey. It’s the kind of homosexual lobby I wouldn’t mind hanging out in.”
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From The Publisher
It’s August, the time when Washington slows to a leisurely pace. When Congress and the hyperactive children known as staffers leave for their home districts to raise campaign funds and polish their resumes. Consequently, we at The Pox see no need to sit around this festering hell-hole of a city in a pathetic attempt to manufacture news. That would be dishonest and would besmirch the occasionally venerated name of Pox. As a result, the toner-stained wretches I humorously call employees are being given an unpaid furlough to get out of town or sit here and sweat—a lot I care. In any event, I’m not spending one more farthing on wages, and our vendors can just wait for fall to get paid as well. In short, I’m taking off and not publishing again until September 8. Oh, I suppose it’s possible that some “important” event will happen in the next month. Maybe some Democratic candidate will come out in favor of standing up to Bush and rolling back the Republican revolution to, say, 1993. Or, maybe Secretary of the Treasury John Snow will lie through his dentures and proclaim the Recession is over…again. Or, or, what? And really, who cares. Unless it affects me personally, you can bet I won’t care. And so, I’m going on an barely-deserved vacation. Where? Well, if I had a family and cared about their well-being, I would at this time take them to the Benjamin K. Sykes National Wilderness to learn about camping and whittling and hygiene and such. But I don’t and I won’t. Instead, I plan on taking my ex-business partner’s almost-ex wife and checking into the Adnan Khashoggi Suite at the Vegas Luxor and gambling away most of this year’s profits. After nearly a year of unalloyed probity in the pursuit of high-toned journalism, it’ll be a relief to sin without letup for three weeks. But, hey, why am I telling you this? As Bill Bennett said, it’s none of your goddam business where I spend my money. Nevertheless, I felt I owed you some sort of explanation for the next month of empty emailboxes, and that’s as much as you’re getting. Anyway, we'll return in September and if you get bored, go through the archives. Adios, peasants.
© The Washington Pox 2003 |
