 |
SPECIAL WASHINGTON-HOLLYWOOD ISSUESENATE TO JOIN CAST OF FRIENDS |
After Her Guest Spot Last Year,Friends Was All Kay Could Talk About By Milton Armitage WASHINGTON, April 30 – Kay Bailey Hutchison, senior Republican senator from Texas, stunned the political and entertainment worlds yesterday when she announced that she was leaving the senate immediately. Hutchison, 60, said she would seek a permanent spot on the hit sitcom Friends. “Ever since I played Lydia, Rachel’s old high school social studies teacher,” she told a hastily assembled press conference, “I have been convinced that my political career was a wrong turn. I still have time to find my real destiny, and that’s on the cast of Friends. I believe I can make Lydia a recurring character, and one America will come to love.” When a Pox reporter pointed out to Hutchison that the last episode of Friends was next week, she said, “Yeah, yeah. That’s what they said about Seinfeld, too, and it’s still on TV, isn’t it?” Texas Republican Party chair Tina J. Benkiser told The Pox, “My God, why didn’t we see this coming? She’d never shut up about the three days she spent with David, Matthew, Jennifer, Matt and Courtney. We just thought it was some passing infatuation, but I guess it was real.” At her press conference Hutchison said, “Politics is show business for ugly people, and I just don’t fit in. I want to move while I still have my looks, and I’ve got a one-way ticket to LA in my pocket.”
 BUSH NAMES |
JOHN ASHCROFT
John Ashcroft was rushed to Washington Hospital Center’s Urgent Sex Unit after the Attorney General was stricken with an intense orgasm. Doctors told The Pox that Ashcroft, “appears to be out of danger for the moment, but we are keeping him under observation.” An ambulance was summoned to Ashcroft’s Capitol Hill home after neighbors heard loud and prolonged groaning noises coming from the AG’s bedroom window. According to next-door neighbor Wallace Plunge, “It was really strange, a rising and dropping tone with all kinds of inhuman sounds. We were scared, I tell you. Ashcroft’s wife Janet was distraught. “At first I thought it was his pancreatitis returning, but he appeared to be smiling,” she said. “In all our years of marriage, we’ve never been troubled with anything like this. It must have been something he saw on TV; tomorrow I’m cancelling the cable.”
© The Washington Pox 2003 |
Ashcroft Being Guided